I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
