Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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