I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
