I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
