Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
