If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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