"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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