The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
