there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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