so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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