Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He has the fingertips of a God
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