Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
