It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
