I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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