Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
