smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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