I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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