ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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