I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
