I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
