my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
