He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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