dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
two words: eviction party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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