Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
