you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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