i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
