i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
