Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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