sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
