he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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