the condom got lost in my hair
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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