Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
