What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
