you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
