Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
