he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
