god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
