We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
