Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
