i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
