Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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