those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
