Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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