Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the condom got lost in my hair
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
