Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
