Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
