walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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