Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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