plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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