bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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